This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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