The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
