guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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