Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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