in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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