Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
