I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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