Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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