So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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