That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
