If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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