Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
