If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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