This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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