everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
