Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
