I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
