He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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