Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
