But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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