so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
