I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
