when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
