Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
