Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
