well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
