Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
