Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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