I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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