the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
