i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
