last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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