so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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