i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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