Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
