A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
