I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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