I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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