so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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