i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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