you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.