Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.

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  (913): very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute. http://tfl.nu/bjrt
  Replies (11) Good night (631) Bad night (1042)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7673) Bad night (860)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

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  (409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46
  Replies (22) Good night (1756) Bad night (5144)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  it's like russian roulette but with a penis

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  (480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes
  Replies (12) Good night (2528) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"

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  (734): we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas (810): I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick" http://tfl.nu/jn94
  Replies (9) Good night (3773) Bad night (1527)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me

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  (815): I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me http://tfl.nu/9tpu
  Replies (15) Good night (6250) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.

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  (917): Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea. http://tfl.nu/2kaw
  Replies (12) Good night (1807) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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  (760): explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet. http://tfl.nu/b9gi
  Replies (9) Good night (2103) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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  (773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14
  Replies (53) Good night (1272) Bad night (3795)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.

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  (301): Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again. http://tfl.nu/u94k
  Replies (4) Good night (1963) Bad night (1226)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  yay hump day

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  (812): Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra. (765): yay hump day http://tfl.nu/qbqw
  Replies (7) Good night (2144) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.

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  (215): the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead. http://tfl.nu/na4w
  Replies (6) Good night (3332) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.

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  (281): When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down. http://tfl.nu/j4so
  Replies (2) Good night (1128) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week

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  (734): Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week http://tfl.nu/iesm
  Replies (2) Good night (445) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.

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  (860): Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him. http://tfl.nu/v075
  Replies (0) Good night (517) Bad night (139)

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