i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
if only i could text you this smell
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.