Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.