BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.