I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Your dad touched me again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
