i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
