I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I love you.
Bad choice
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