i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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