Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
