this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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