my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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