I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
