All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
