I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
