I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
