My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
