just come out here and I will go home with you...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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