My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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