I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
