Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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