if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
