look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Actions speak louder than pants.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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