I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
