He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
