My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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