I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
