my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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