btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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