We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
