she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
