maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
