I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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