Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
