you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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