that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I smell like Dick and happiness
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
