u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
