Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
