life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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