he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
