Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
