Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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